He died never solving the Rubik's Cube. Rest in 26 pieces, 9 of which you properly arranged.

[I'll work on getting those dangling modifiers out of there -- but cut me some slack, I don't have any clients yet.]

"Well, let that be a lesson to you. It seems it's impossible actually to live 'counting every moment separately'. Whatever the reason, it's impossible."

The path I live is not my destiny
But fate, you fiend, you throw your weight at me.
And it's not laziness like my step dad would say
It's just emotional incapacitation that gets in my way.
From years of abuse that photographs don't show,
But epithets, like 2-by-4s can also make you feel low.
And the naysayers and conservatives
Say it's all in my mind,
I'm hypochondriacal, like the psychosomatically blind.
But I don't make excuses for my emotional drift,
Well, sometimes, I do, but why give a shit?
Like everyone else I've got my ups and my downs
And sometimes when I'm sideways,
Yeah, I'll take drugs to bring me around.
But it's life, and it's fucked up, like Pinocchio's nose
And those who deny it wear the emperor's new clothes.

They've got different color skin, they don't worship the same God as we do, they dress funny, speak funnier, and they probably write backwards (I bet, at heart, they are pro-choice too). Fucking Iraqistan. All them damn 'Stan countries, they all suck. And it's OK to shove a hose up somebody's ass if they are a POW from a Stan, but you shock jock fuck, don't try to make your lewd jokes about hoses and asses 'cause I'll slap the FCC on you faster than you can say Geneva Convention. Eh, Gooks, Reds, Fags, and Stans, what's this world coming to? Manifest Destiny didn't stop at the surrender of Crazy Horse. Manifest Destiny stops at the United Continents of White People (sans Africa which we can use to ship Gooks, Reds, Fags, and Stans so they can get deadly jungle diseases -- which was 'caused by their sin anyway).

To help uneducated Americans (and uneducated Yale graduates) with identifying enemies of America, congress should require the use of the istan suffix with anything that doesn't taste, smell, think, or act like cultural Wonder(white)bread (do they make it without crust yet?). I propose the Axistan (think Axes-Of-Evil):

Axistan
* Iraqistan
* Afghanistanistan
* Blackistan
* Germanistan
* AnythingGoddmanFrenchistan
* Gookistan
* Cubanistan
* Japanistan
* Democratistan
* EqualRightsIsABadIdeaistan
* Don'tForgetAboutTheQueersistan
* PussyCanuckistan

Yesterday, while working on my house's network cables, my nose started to itch (inside of it). After ten minutes of rubbing it without success of reducing the irritation, I finally got some toilet paper (bachelor Kleenex) to blow the thing. Upon blowing it, a little black speck was left on the tissue -- a black speck with eight legs that moved ever so slowly. Yucky.

WASHINGTON (MSNBC) - In the latest NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll released Wednesday, Kerry trailed Bush with 42 percent to the president's 46 percent, with Ralph Nader at five percent.

This was despite Bush's recent 666 forehead tattoo and bizarre horn growth.

Ex-Oldsmobile dealer John Snoedovered, a stalwart of the working class in middle America, said, "Horns are no reason to discriminate against a man. If Bush was black or a fag, Democrats wouldn't have any issues." When pressed on the tattoo issue, Snoedovered replied, "the 666 tattoo is just some clever video-post production of the liberal media who are trying to smear Bush's good name... You can't believe everything that you see."

I abhor the default behavior of copying/pasting formatted text in all Microsoft Office products. If they really understood MVC, they'd realize that 1 out of 100 times you might want to take the formatting with you when you copy from one document and paste into another.
...
Strange but true: on the corner of 70th and 15th Ave NW in Seattle is the W.E. Hunt Building. Across the street is a lawn mower shop with a back yard that has grass that is desperately needing a cut.
...
Rumpsfelt, Asscraft, Dick, Bush, and Colon. A few more and they'll have their own exclusive list of seven dirty words (Condoleezza could be on that list sans any pun in her name -- well, adding an M puts a pun in her name, but it didn't seem that funny, not that this entire idea is, anyway).
...
If Bush gets another shot at the State of the Union Address (which, by the grace of any God, let's hope he doesn't), I'm thinking he should have a halftime show with performances by Aerosmith, Smokey Robinson, and Toby Keith. Then, the WB could run some counter-programming -- probably some naked Victoria chicks -- and then, the next day, we could all read about the Nielsen ratings comparison between Bush and the Victoria chicks in a USA Today pie chart.

...Fans Who Only Like The New Crappy Stuff And Really Don't Know Anything About The Band

And if DC wasn't enough, how about $2 beers from 7 till 9?

Rumsfeld vows that those responsible would "be brought to justice." Now, when he says this, does it mean that he is planning on sodomizing himself?
...
The USA Today has a menu option called News. I'm glad that they have it figured out.

God, this is compelling. Makes be want to believe. Then I think, wait a minute, life sucks. Who would want eternal suck?

http://timebucks.org/

Cool. The City-of-Seattle has installed automobile tire integrity checkers on the Aurora Avenue Bridge. Ensure that you drive at least 60 and stay in the center-most lanes. If your tires are under-inflated, your car gets stopped in its tracks. If they are over-inflated, your tires blow up. For those with proper pressure (and no defects) proceed as normal (this is life and you are going to live forever).

1) Do not fill in any To:, Cc:, or Bcc: fields until your message has been properly composed and thoroughly proofed. Consciously populating these fields after writing your message prevents sending a half-composed email (Ctl-Enter [send] versus Shift-Enter [html line break] in Outlook anyone?) and mitigates the times you reply to your boss Michelle, when you think you are replying to your friend Michelle.

2) If an email is going to contain an attachment, attach it first -- before you compose the message. This way you won't forget it when you get flustered after your spellchecker reminds you for the 37th time that you don't spell independant with an A.

3) If the subject matter is in regards to important or emotionally charged content, wait at least 15 minutes before sending. Do a second proof after the 15 minutes to catch all of the errors and wonked phrases that weren't there the first time you read it.

If it snows in April, then Mays are for epiphanies. If you haven't heard my first v-bass performance it's probably worth a shot, regardless that I truly don't know what I am doing (if you don't believe my skillz self-deprecation, let's go bow-and-arrow hunting).

I'm serious about this epitaph thing.

For a stodgy old and recently deceased republican: "He died with a net worth of 37 million dollars, but a fag-liberal tax regulation cost him 7 million and therefore he died, bitter, angry, and a self-assessed failure."

The exceptionally potent delusional forces of the ego are best manifested in its ability to turn personal flatulence into a pleasant experience and turn fragrant defecation into amazement. Then, without the hesitation of guilt, the ego can immediately deny what it found so fond. When the cock crowed twice on Peter, it wasn't because he was dissing the Jesus, it was because he just let one rip and someone busted him taking a good sniff of it.

Insanity is the result of the mind dying before the body... And the anonymous they will tell you it's all in your mind and all you can say is "right."

In the blogging world, you can't beg for recognition, nor can you buy recognition (unlike the real world where you can buy but can't beg). One of my readers said that you can't blog for hits, so I stopped letting that bother me. Now I just post. I don't promote and I rarely link other blogs. I just write what I feel, whether it sucks or sucks worse. Sometimes I feel like my schtuff is good and deserves recognition, or is brutal and deserves scorn, or even innovative. But that is just ego. I'll never sit on top, but I'll always give you something... So for me and my present state of being stuck at the very bottom of a very dry well (and regardless that you shouldn't talk about it), it felt really good to get two links in one day: funny and smart.

But it's depression not dirt that follows me around. It's so bad right now that I don't want to go out with friends 'cause I can feel my mere presence dragging people down. I don't want to write, I don't want to do the dishes, and I don't even want to drink 'cause I can already feel the nastiness on the other side. Lost. Totally, utterly lost -- with no real disease, no real excuse.

While waiting for life that sucks to die, why not listen to my favorite unsigned bands: TQ's Garage Band Playlist.